Thursday's Thoughts: An honor and privilege

Ahh... I love my kids.
I know we all love our kids and think they are the best kids in the world, though.... It's such a great privilege as a parent to see each child grow and learn, to get to know them as individuals.. help guide them through life, their strengths and weaknesses.
I wish all parents knew what an honor and blessing it is, a true privilege - not a right, that God has given us when he gave us our children.
It's easy to just think, "oh they are just a kid.... go play"  Sometimes in the mix of things you do forget they have real feelings, you assume they don't think about much on a deep level, that it's all about baby dolls and mud pies and when's the next snack? I do, anyway.
Then I have to repent, most of the time I don't really admit it to anyone, I just vow to God and myself that I will take that extra moment or two to really get to know my children.  I do admit I know some of my kids better than others, due possibly to age (how long I've had them in my life), personality conflicts (some might get the "go play" comment a little more than others), or just simply how open they are to me.  A couple of them need me to reach out to them more while others seek me to talk.
I just love them.
I love when they have ah-ha moments.  When something just clicks.  I love it.  Those moments are especially great because the growth in them is suddenly obvious, instead of slow and steady.  That's like getting a Christmas bonus. Being able to see the fruits of the hard parenting work all at once like that... you just can't put a price on it.
Danielle had one of those yesterday.
She has been asking to homeschool lately.  While I am not against homeschool, I think it's wondeful... I just don't think it's the right time for our family to take that plunge.  In the future I might end up doing it, but for now the church school has been such a blessing and it's working for us.  If she was in immediate danger, or I couldn't trust the environment she was in, it would be a no brainer... I'd take them out instantly.  I know she's safe, she's among teachers and students that love her, she's learning about Jesus and the "issues" she is having are minor.  Mostly just a few things that make her uncomfortable.  Like the fact that Juliette is moving out of the elementary room and she'll be left behind with three 2nd graders and five kindergarteners.  She feels jealous.  Well, instead of pulling her out I'd rather her build character and work through it.
We've been talking to her about being a leader and how she'll be the BIG KID of the elementary room... how it's a responsibility to help guide the younger ones, it will be hard work at times but it also has many benefits.  It really didn't sound that appealing to her.  Steven talked to her, said the same things I have been saying... but Daddy has her heart and it just clicked.
She went to school and one of the younger girls (a first grader) gave her a letter, she has gotten similar letters in the past from the same girl, telling her how much she liked her etc etc and Danielle just knew that it was important to stick around.  That to these little ones she is the one they look up to, like she looks up to a couple of the high school girls.  It made her feel special and important and that maybe there is a purpose for her to be there afterall...
It just made my day.  To see her grow like that.  Just overnight.  She stepped out of herself and what she wants and what is comfortable for her and thought about the other kids.  She looked at the big picture.
I am sure there will be struggles in the future.  Homework will be 'too hard' and she'll want to escape it, but I feel that her heart is in the right place now so it will be easier to get her back on track.
I just wanted to jot this milestone down, because if you know Danielle... it really is a milestone.
What a great girl I have. 
They are all so wonderful.  Each and every one. This is just a small example of many. I just can't thank God enough that He chose me to be their Mommy.  Wow.  It really is such an honor and privilege.

Mundane Monday: Solving problems

I am reading this book by Joyce Meyer called Living Beyond Your Feelings.  It's been good.  Most of it I "know" (but don't apply), some of it is enlightening (still not really applying), but a couple things have really stood out.  Hoping to apply those things.

This part stood out to me, from the book:
"One thing that helps me deal properly with anger is to realize that sometimes God permits people to irritate me in order to help me grow in patience and unconditional love. None of the fruit of the Spirit develops without something to make us exercise them...... The offending person's bad behavior is not right, but God often uses them as sandpaper in our lives, to polish our rough edges. He is more concerned about changing our characters than He is about changing our circumstances to make them all comfortable for us." (Joyce Meyer)

One of my biggest issues are irritants in my life.  Well, I shouldn't say the irritants are the biggest issues, how I handle them are.... Then I wonder, will these irritants continue to irritate until I change my attitude, develop patience... self control? Unfortunately... they probably will. 
The reason is, because until I can learn to "deal with it and not let it bother me" new things will constantly begin to bother me.  The problem is with me, not with those around me.
The next question I always have is, "well, then what do I do?"  Do I just continue to let people treat me wrong, or make wrong decisions that affect me and my kids, do I just become a doormat? 
If I am supposed to "give it to God", how do I do that? Sometimes I just feel like I am talking into thin air.  Just stepping back and letting God deal with it doesn't really work does it? Honestly.... I don't know from personal experience.  I don't think I've ever given God a fair chance.  What I do know, is that trying to "fix it"... or "force others to change" DOES NOT work... so why not try something new? Besides, giving issues to God has worked for other people that I know.
Still don't know how though...
The next part that stood out to me in the book was when Joyce says, "How can you know when you express anger and when to just let it go?"
Well, she goes through a process.
First she gives it to God.  That's the part I usually mess up.  Still not sure how to do that exactly... I think it means to pray about it and then just wait on God to change the heart of the person that mistreated you.  Just let it go. Keep quiet for the moment.
Second if it's still bothering her after a couple days (a couple days!?...eek, not sure if I can keep my mouth shut that long!), then she talks to someone about it... hoping that just getting it out in the open will help.
Third, if that doesn't help she seeks God on whether or not she should confront the person.  I've never gotten this far so I don't know how one knows if God gives the permission to bring it up to the person.  I would assume that if I was still bothered by this situation after step one and two that it would probably be necessary to confront them in order to not build resentment on my part.
Last you confront them.  Important: I always want to make sure that I am doing it for their good and not my own need to "tell them off" or try and change them.  Yikes. So, bottom line, I've learned a lot, just from that.  I might try it.
If it's someone outside my family that has "hurt" me, steps one, two, and three are easy because I don't want to confront them... if it's Steven then I don't even make it to step one normally.  I am going to try that today.  Yes, today.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Thursday's Thoughts: Enjoying the little years

Little Johanna and Alaina (Aug 2008)

So... last night I was feeling super irritated that Johanna (7) and Alaina (5) kept getting out of bed.  They have every excuse in the book.  As soon as the lights are out and I say, "no more talking...." they suddenly have to pee, poop and get a drink like 20 times.  A leg always hurts.  Someone's nose is running or they keep coughing and need medicine. Someone licks someone else.  Then someone gets kicked. Then they beg for another drink... "my throat is hot.." (Alaina, lol). It never ends...

Then I realized... one day. 
One sad day in a few years from now, no one will come into my room for anything.  I know I will miss it so much.  I know there will be nights I will cry when I think about seeing a little someone come in my room for the upteenth time, knowing it will never happen again. :(
Then I thought about it some more.  How often do Johanna and Alaina get to experience a Mommy that is NOT cranky?  Katie and Danielle get the Mommy that has had some time to relax after a long day because they stay up later than the younger children.  Matthew and Elise get the most hugs and kisses, because well, they are babies still and do less things to try my patience. Alaina does get to have a little bit of 'daytime' Mommy who is not as cranky as 'evening' Mommy, but what about Johanna?
I need to change this. 
Each and every one needs to know how very special they are, how much they are loved more than I can even begin to express.  They need to know how much I appreciate their individual strengths... and yes, their weaknesses. *I* need to change, not them.  Yes, they need to obey at nighttime, but I need to go about it in a different way.  This IS my life and I love my life and wouldn't change it.  One day they will grow up and all I will have are memories.  Do I really want to remember these years as difficult and unenjoyable years and feel the guilt that my children had to deal with nothing but crankiness? Definitely not.
I need to enjoy these little years, right here, right now because before I know it they will be over.

Words on Wednesday: A heart for worship

Johanna loves God with all her heart.  She may be a little rough around the edges... she's a little stubborn and has her own ideas on how things should be done, and she will fight for it!  She might not listen the first time or do her chores with out complaining, but when it comes down to it... her heart is turning to God and that is the very most important first step.
She loves to worship. In church, she will go up to the front and just sing her heart out.  She doesn't care what anyone thinks, she wouldn't know if anyone was watching her, because she is very focused on worship.  It's like she steps out of this world and into God's presence.  It's beautiful.
The other day she came to me and told me that she was playing outside by herself and felt a little scared.  She started singing worship songs at the top of her lungs.  She said other people were out there, but she didn't care.... After awhile she wasn't afraid anymore and her heart felt good.  She said she got on her scooter and just went as fast as she could.  The wind blowing on her face was like God right there next to her.  I believe she has the right idea!
 I love that she loves God and I love that she doesnt' care what anyone else thinks! I know that strong will is an asset for her... once her heart is turned to God, nothing will stand in the way.  I love my sweet and passionate seven year old.

Mundane Monday: Nail polish in hair & diapers in drawers

Oh Elise Josephine Claire!

Katie left out her nail polish and somehow Elise was able to open it. It got on her hands, her jammies, the chair.... and yes, her bangs and forehead. Stinker! It was so thick and already dried I had no idea what I was going to do.... Luckily it's cheap nail polish (the kind that peels right off your nails) and her hair is very fine and silky.  For the most part it just slid right off.  It did hurt her a little and she did not like me messing with it, but once I got the worst of it out I was able to just comb it and it was coming off in chunks.

The whole time she remained to appear sweet and innocent.  Sweet... yes.  Innocent? Not so much.  The little stinker!  Thankfully there was no damage done, none on the carpet.  The chair was an easy clean up with some nail polish remover (Katie got that job) and although her jammies will probably never get clean, they are only jammies and not Sunday clothes! :)    What a stinker!!!

Then this morning we find out Elise was up to no good again! The first sign something was odd, was Danielle asked if she could take a shower.  That is odd because I am LUCKY if that girl will shower once a week! If I don't MAKE her get in there she just won't do it!  Well... then I went to brush her hair and smelled pee.  So I sniffed her... not her hair, not her shirt... Well, then she told me it was her pants and to smell them.  I did and they did smell like pee and a perfumy smell.  Not exactly like cat pee although that was my first thought, especially since it hasn't been that long since Benny peed and pooped on the potatoes and rice in the pantry. 

So I sent them upstairs to check out Danielle's drawer.  What they found was one of Elise's wet diapers, opened up and mixed in with all her pants! Eww!!! So Danielle had to find a pair from the dirty clothes because those are more clean than her CLEAN clothes, lol.....

Who knows what Elise was thinking...she's usually good about throwing her diapers in the trash, so idk.. lol.. it was pretty funny and now hopefully we will actually be able to get Danielle to take a shower willingly, which later I found out she wanted one because she kept smelling pee and wasn't sure where it was coming from! haha!!

Adventures at the Maestas home!