Thursday's Thoughts: Laundry!

Today I did a lot of laundry.  It's almost ALL done and trust me that never happens!!
One crazy thing happened.  When I went to take the clothes out of the wash I noticed there was cardboard in all the clothes.. lots and lots of it.  I knew I had no choice but to try and dry the clothes, hoping the lint trap would collect all of it.  There was way too much to try and pick it all off.  As I pulled the clothes out I noticed that there were a few dryer sheets mixed in there.  I was thinking, maybe, since this was the load of clothes from the bottom of the basket, that some trash or something got mixed in there.
I kept finding dryer sheets.. probably like 15 or so.  I was so confused!! Then it dawned on me... the BOX of dryer sheets!!! I had them sitting on top of the dryer, right next to the open washing machine.. haha... I guess they fell in with out my knowing it! Oopsie!!!
Luckily they dried just fine, I had to clean out the lint trap every few minutes, but by the end it was just cardboard colored fuzz. :) It definitely added some excitement to the very boring job of laundry!!!

**Some other thoughts... Matthew is doing much better today, he really seems to be feeling better.  His croup has pretty much cleared up and he's no longer feverish.  Poor Elise, though, is not feeling well. Her molars are coming in and they are really bothering her.  I feel so bad!! Of all our kids, none of them have seemed bothered by any teeth coming in, except for Elise.  Poor baby.
Tomorrow Steven's family gets here to celebrate 4th of July with us.  It should be a good time.  Steven has a TON of fireworks.. oh my.. We took a pic and he has even MORE now... sigh... oh well, it's fun for him and the kids and honestly I am glad he's the "fun" one... I don't enjoy being fun very often.  I know that sounds awful, but I am NOT a kid at heart, at all.  I know the kids need that so I am glad Steven is.

Steven and the kids with the firework stash :)

Thoughts about previous... and future... pregnancies :)

Lately most days I do not want to be pregnant ever again. Today is a little different though. I was looking through a friends pregnancy pictures and felt a twinge of feeling... aww I want to be pregnant again!! Maybe I'll take pics every week like she did. haha, probably not, but maybe every 2 wks would be good. I usually take them once a month.

When I found out I was pregnant with Katie I was ecstatic! It was all I ever wanted and dreamed about for years. I couldn't wait to have morning sickness.. lol.. and then it hit and lasted til I was 18 wks!! I was miserable!! By 20 wks I had only gained 5lbs, of course then I thought that was awful - not enough weight.. now I'd be thrilled. I started trying to gain weight. I ate anything and everything and lots and lots of it. Especially pizza!! We didn't find out what we were having at the first u/s but at 27wks. Dr. McKinney let me have a sneak peek... I wanted a girl so bad, I was sure it was a boy. Of course as you know, she's a girl, haha!! In the end I gained about 45lbs and had pretty bad pre-eclampsia. She was 7lbs 1 oz and 18 1/2 inches long.
Here is a picture of me and Steven the day I had Katie. 

pregnant with Katie

When Katie was 10 months old I found out I was pregnant again. I was so excited!! A week later I lost that baby. :( It was very sad for me.

A year later I found out I was pregnant again! At the time we were living in TX and getting ready to move to Germany. Steven had joined the military and life was just beginning for us!! My morning sickness was bad... all I could eat was sunflower seeds. The move to GE was hard, between jet lag and morning sickness and caring for Katie I really couldn't do much!!! Then I found out I would not get an u/s and would have to wait to find out what I was having!! That was so hard, but in the end I am so happy we had to wait! This time around we wanted a boy, only because we figured we already had a girl so naturally a boy should be next! I was pretty sure about it. IF it was a girl though, we liked the name Danielle after a movie we watched called Ever After with Drew Barrymore. When the big day arrived I was so excited.. I went into labor on my own, with Katie I had to be induced. When she was born all I could think is... what did I have????? When I looked and she was a girl I felt so much joy!!! Two girls in a row... what a gift! They are best friends now. She was also 7lbs 1oz and was 18 3/4 in long. Here's a pic of me pregnant with her.

pregnant with Danielle

A few months before we left Germany I found out I was pregnant again!!! We were actually traveling all over Europe when I first suspected it. (no wonder i was so moody! haha) As soon as we were done traveling I couldn't wait to get a pregnancy test and sure enough... positive!! I didn't tell Steven right away because he was tdy to Spain and I didn't want to do it over the phone. when I was about 4 months we moved back to the states to CA. Another big move while pregnant!! The heat in CA was hard to handle.. I passed out in the commissary! That was awful and embarrassing. Steven had to drag me to the freezer section. I thought for sure she was a boy because the pregnancy was totally different than the first two. Nope, another girl!!!! :) I went overdue with her and the Dr stripped my membranes on two different ocassions! Finally at almost 41wks I went into labor!! My BIG healthy Johanna was born weight 8lbs 9oz and was 20 1/4 inches!! Here is a pic of me a couple days before having her!

pregnant with Johanna

After Johanna I ended up having another miscarriage. This one was extremely hard on me because I actually saw the sac in an u/s and knew it was a baby I'd never get to hold or love, at least not in this life. It is comforting to know that I will have 2 more little ones in heaven waiting for me.

Shortly after, like 6 wks later, I got pregnant with Alaina!!! I am sure it is no shock that during this pregnancy we moved again! From CA, to CO (where I stayed for 3 months while Steven went to school in Mississippi) to NE. While staying in CO I found out this baby was GIRL #4! It was crazy because, again, I wanted a boy, but a day before the u/s I suddenly had peace about it being a girl... I thought, maybe Johanna could have a best friend like Katie and danielle.
When we moved to NE I was like 35wks pregnant with her and had to find a good OB dr. Someone I met recommended Dr. Stearnes and I am so happy she did because he's great!!! At 38wks he suspected she wasn't growing so he wanted to induce me. She was born healthy at 6lbs 7oz and 18 inches long. She was so little!!! I painted a pumpkin on my tummy 2 days before I had her, my stomach was very small which was part of the concern! Thankfully she was a good size, even if she was smaller than the other babies!

pregnant with Alaina

After we had been in NE for a little over a year I found out I was pregnant with #5. We were so excited!!! My morning sickness was kind of bad... a little worse than Johanna and Alaina but not as bad as Katie and Danielle. When the day of the big u/s arrived I was nervous and excited. I didn't believe it when they said we were having a boy!!! No way!!! I remember getting McDonalds afterwards and we just could not stop smiling! The girls were so excited too! When Katie found out, she was still at school... she turned around and yelled to her friend, "It's a boy!!"
We decided on Matthew for his name because it means gift of God... and we had been praying for a son for so long!
Becca was able to be here for the birth and Katie and Danielle were also in the delivery room. Matthew weighed 8lbs even and shoot, I can't remember how long he was! haha, that's horrible! The delivery was uneventful and easy and we were all so happy to have him!! Here's a pic of me pregnant with Matthew.

pregnant with Matthew

A year or so later we thought it would be nice to try and give Matthew a brother. Elise was the result of that!! I really just wanted more kids, but it would be nice to even out the numbers a little bit!! The pregnancy was uneventful, but the morning sickness was bad. About as bad as it was with Katie and Danielle. I threw up pumpkin seeds one time... that was painful!! All of us were together for the big u/s... it was really cool to have all of us there. Everyone guessed whether she was a boy or girl... Johanna said she knew it was a boy but when the u/s tech said, GIRL.. Johanna said, "I knew it!" LOL. When I was 39wks Dr Stearnes decided to induce me because my blood pressure was borderline high. I was already dilated to 4cm so I am sure it wouldn't have been long anyway! Katie and Danielle were in the delivery room again. When it was time to push I had a hard time getting her out, unlike Alaina and Matthew being only one push. Turns out she was sunny side up, or prosterior. THAT hurt. ow. Even with the epidural it felt like my body was splitting in half. She came out beautiful and healthy weighing 7lbs 7oz and can you believe it, I can't remember her length either! wow!
Here are a couple pics of me pregnant with her... I like this first one (with out a face) because I look so skinny except for the belly! My tummy got pretty big, you'd think she would have weighed more. :)

pregnant with Elise

pregnant with Elise

This sums up my 8 pregnancies... some were much shorter than others, but all were very precious to me. Yep... I want to do it allllll over again!

The Day in and Day out of life

Last night I got about 6 hours straight of sleep.  That does not happen very much. In fact I can only think of two or three times that has happened in the last 13+ months since Elise's birth.
EVERYONE slept through the night though!! That is an accomplishment since Matthew has been sick with his allergies, eczema and now croup/ear infection.  Elise has slept through the night twice in a row now since the other night when I blogged about her being awake.  I am not getting my hopes up because she has done this before, for about a week straight and it just did not last.  This time I don't plan on letting her go back to waking up so easily.. if I can help it.  Hopefully I can help her find other ways to self soothe and not rely on nursing in the middle of the night.

Matthew has not been feeling well.  Poor thing, he has had it rough.  Right now, as I mentioned he has croup and an ear infection although he is feeling a lot better today.  He is extremely cranky though... always cranky.  He's worse when he's sick or tired.  I am hoping that this round of steroids they have given him for his croup will help clear up his eczema once and for all.  Wouldn't that be just wonderful?

I have been working on going through the toys in the basement, again.  Steven's parents, Bryan and Kayla are going to be here for the 4th of July weekend.  They should be here Friday night, today is Wednesday.  Just trying to get the basement ready for them.  They almost have no toys left down there, I guess that is just the way it has to be because they do not keep them clean!  They don't seem to mind.  Lately they have all been really into doing puzzles.  Especially Alaina.  She can do a 48 peice one very easily and can do one 100 peice one we have.  That one takes her awhile though.  They also love their polly pocket toys.. it's something all 4 girls do together.. basically dress up Polly Pockets.. haha.. I guess that's fun.

Matthew loves trains and train sets.  And of course cars... and Toy Story.  He's such a boy.  He has very few stuffed animals he likes.
Danielle is the stuffed animal lover.
Katie loves books and crafty things.  So does Danielle.  Alaina is very into Rapunzel right now (Tangled).  Johanna likes things like rocks and cutting, glueing and taping paper into all kinds of different shapes.  Anytime we finish something, whether it's a thing of yogurt, or butter, or even applesauce, she wants the empty container.  She washes it and "makes" something. ((and then it gets thrown away....))
Lisey loves babies and Dora.  She's so cute!! She loves to do things like empty out wipes or tissues from their boxes.
They all love swimming, jumping on the trampoline and bike riding.  This summer both Danielle and Johanna learned to ride with out training wheels. The 3 oldest are in swimming lessons this summer too.  Alaina was, but she was too scared and didn't too well so I am getting a refund.  Matthew and Elise haven't had a chance to play in the kiddie pool yet because they have been sick and Steven has been off work so I have left them at home.

well, I better get back to the basement.

The day we forgot someone....

I've read many times that in large families it is common to "forget" one of the kids at home. (or worse, somewhere else!)
Well, it had never happened to us before yesterday.
Steven is off this week and we decided to get some Taco Bell for lunch.  We all rushed around and hurried into the van.  I got Elise in and turned and Matthew wasn't there.  So I ran back inside to find him sitting at the table, eating some crackers.  Silly boy.  So, I sent him out and was about to lock the front door. 
Steven was putting Matthew in his carseat and I asked, "is everyone out there?" He said everyone was, so I locked up and closed the door.  We got in, backed out of the driveway and we were on our way.
We had already left our neighborhood when Johanna said, "Danielle, does my hair look pretty?" She pauses... "Danielle?... Where's Danielle?" Katie turns around to see Danielle's empty seat and gasps... "We forgot Danielle!!!"  Then i turn around and sure enough... no Danielle!
Steven turned around immediately and sped home.  He really did speed, haha.  No so much because we were worried about her, but because we knew she'd be scared!
We got home and Katie ran in to find her crying on the couch.  Poor Danielle! She said she had run down the basement to find her shoe and came up and the house was empty.  She checked every room and found no one.  Then she looked outside and no van.
Not long after she got in the van she was laughing. She saw the humor in it just as we did. 
Now we can never say that we have never forgotten anyone at home...

Parenting Elise

The joys of parenting Elise...... 
It's hard and so very rewarding all at the same time. 
Lately it's been kind of hard.  For example I am up right now, at 1am because she is up and insisting that she needs to nurse.  I have decided that at 13 mos she doesn't need to nurse anymore in the middle of the night.  She has water if she's thirsty and a paci.  I go in there and give her love, but she is very stubborn!! I feel so bad though, I just want to give in and nurse her, but I know that I really need some sleep!! It would benefit all of us if I slept more!  haha.. just ask anyone in the family.. I can  get pretty cranky!
Steven is off this week, so if I don't get a lot of sleep at night at least I can get a nap during the day.  Still though, it's so hard to hear her cry. If it wasn't so hard I would have done this a long time ago!! I tried.. months ago... but she out-stubborned me. I could have "won" but I didn't consider it "winning" to let her cry... no, scream... for hours and hours.. and that is what she'd do. Poor baby.  Not sure if it's worth it now, either.  Ugh..... breaks my heart...
.................................................
Well, I just spent about 5 minutes in there with her.  She's still refusing her water, but she did take her paci and lie down.  First I had to put my hands on her chest... she stopped crying, but I could feel the sobs still. :( Then she rolled over.  Poor baby. Finally relaxing.  I just wish she'd give up and go to sleep, she's so tired, she can hardly keep her eyes open!
Now, she's crying again, only a few minutes later.  Nursing is like a drug for her! Even during the day she is so cranky until I nurse her and then she just perks up and chitter chatters and smiles and runs off.  Not long after, she's after the nun nuns again.. she's acting like a newborn!!!
Her molars are trying to come in, so maybe she just needs more comfort, IDK.  Poor little baby...
..................................................
Just made her lie down again and she's quiet... hoping, praying... that she goes to sleep and praying even more that she just skips her 3am feeding and just sleeps all the way through!! The other night she was up from 3am to 6am, mostly because of the thunderstorm, but I am sure her teething didn't help either.
Oh I love her... she's so sweet.  I love that way she smells when I kiss her head.  I love hearing her little voice when she tries to say all kinds of new words.  She is actually trying to repeat after us now! She says, baby, momma, daddy, hi, tries to say Benny, but it comes out baby.. meow, please (puh), so big... "that' big, nice, and I am sure there are more.  She waves bye bye... oh yes, and nun nun, and ny nite.. but they both come out nah nah... she sometimes calls drinks nah nah too.  Also if she is done eating and I ask her if she's all done, she'll put her little hands out.  She also tries to say peek a boo... haha.. I love it!!!
She is such a character, she is into everything and SO hilarious!! She makes an awesome "oh so purdy" face.. family joke... and has all kinds of awesome expressions.  She's always jabbering so I am sure she'll be talking in no time.
It took her until she was 11 mos to be totally walking, but I am positive she has been trying to walk since she's been born, haha.. I just knew it, in her first day of life she wouldn't even rest her head on my shoulder, she wanted to look around! Little stinker.. has always been curious. 
She is seriously loved by all.. haha... her big sisters ADORE her, and even Matthew really loves her too! He still has a pacifier and she loves to pluck it out of his mouth and stick it in hers... and he just laughs and lets her do it!! That's really surprising because he LOVES his pacifiers.  Johanna especially loves to take care of her, she is always carrying her around.  I tried for months to not let Johanna stand up or walk with her, but she has a mind of her own and it didn't take me long to realize that she's very responsible, holds her well and to be honest it's a HUGE help to me that she takes such good care of her... so I gave in and let Johanna carry her everywhere.  Katie and Danielle love her too, they are such great big sisters.  Alaina still tries to pick her up and I am sticking my ground, THAT is not allowed.. she just does not know how to do it.. but she means well.

Well.. Elise has been quiet for about 10 minutes now, so I should get back to bed.  Maybe tomorrow I will write about what it's like to parent the other 5.
Pray for us, that she will sleep through the night soon... if I get pregnant I don't know how I'll do it with such little sleep!! Not only that, but she needs the sleep too.

49 Godly Character Qualities

I love these! Consistantly going over the character qualities with the kids have been really helpful.  Johanna especially does well with making sure she is showing "character".  haha, she is a character. :)

Alertness vs. Unawareness
Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I can have the right response to it (Mark 14:38)

Attentiveness vs. Unconcern
Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided attention to his words and emotions (Hebrews 2:1)

Availability vs. Self-centeredness
Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I am serving (Philippians 2:20–21)

Boldness vs. Fearfulness
Confidence that what I have to say or do is true and right and just in the sight of God (Acts 4:29)

Cautiousness vs. Rashness
Knowing how important right timing is in accomplishing right actions (Proverbs 19:2)

Compassion vs. Indifference
Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others (I John 3:17)

Contentment vs. Covetousness
Realizing that God has provided everything I need for my present happiness (I Timothy 6:8)

Creativity vs. Underachievement
Approaching a need, a task, an idea from a new perspective (Romans 12:2)

Decisiveness vs. Double-mindedness
The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the will and ways of God (James 1:5)

Deference vs. Rudeness
Limiting my freedom in order not offend the tastes of those whom God has called me to serve (Romans 14:21)

Dependability vs. Inconsistency
Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice (Psalm 15:4)

Determination vs. Faintheartedness
Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s time regardless of the opposition (II Timothy 4:7–8)

Dligence vs. Slothfulness
Visualizing each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it (Colossians 3:23)

Discernment vs. Judgment
The God-given ability to understand why things happen (I Samuel 16:7)

Discretion vs. Simplemindedness
The ability to avoid words, actions, and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences (Proverbs 22:3)

Endurance vs. Giving up
The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish God’s best (Galatians 6:9)

Enthusiasm vs. Apathy
Expressing with my soul the joy of my spirit (I Thessalonians 5:16,19)

Faith vs. Presumption
Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it (Hebrews 11:1)

Flexibility vs. Resistance
Not setting my affections on ideas or plans which could be changed by God or others (Colossians 3:2)

Forgiveness vs. Rejection
Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and allowing God to love them through me (Ephesians 4:32)

Generosity vs. Stinginess
Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes (II Corinthians 9:6)

Gentleness vs. Harshness
Showing personal care and concern in meeting the need of others (I Thessalonians 2:7)

Gratefulness vs. Unthankfulness
Making known to God and others in what ways they have benefited my life (I Corinthians 4:7)

Hospitality vs. Loneliness
Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, and spiritual refreshment with those whom God brings into my life (Hebrews 13:2)

Humility vs. Pride
Recognizing that it is actually God and others who are responsible for the achievements in my life (James 4:6)

Initiative vs. Unresponsiveness
Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it (Romans 12:21)

Joyfulness vs. Self-pity
The spontaneous enthusiasm of my spirit when my soul is in fellowship with the Lord (Psalm 16:11)

Justice vs. Fairness
Personal responsibility to God’s unchanging laws (Micah 6:8)

Love vs. Selfishness
Giving to others’ basic needs without having as my motive personal reward (I Corinthians 13:3)

Loyalty vs. Unfaithfulness
Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to God and to those whom He has called me to serve (John 15:13)

Meekness vs. Anger
Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God (Psalm 62:5)

Obedience vs. Willfulness
Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority (II Corinthians 10:5)

Orderliness vs. Disorganization
Preparing myself and my surroundings so I will achieve the greatest efficiency (I Corinthians 14:40)

Patience vs. Restlessness
Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it (Romans 5:3–4)

Persuasiveness vs. Contentiousness
Guiding vital truths around another’s mental roadblocks (II Timothy 2:24)

Punctuality vs. Tardiness
Showing high esteem for other people and their time (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Resourcefulness vs. Wastefulness
Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or discard (Luke 16:10)

Responsibility vs. Unreliability
Knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting from me (Romans 14:12)

Reverence vs. Disrespect
Awareness of how God is working through the people and events in my life to produce the character of Christ in me (Proverbs 23:17–18)

Security vs. Anxiety
Structuring my life around that which is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away (John 6:27)

Self-Control vs. Self-indulgence
Instant obedience to the initial promptings of God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:24–25)

Sensitivity vs. Callousness
Exercising my senses so I can perceive the true spirit and emotions of those around me (Romans 12:15)

Sincerity vs. Hypocrisy
Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives (I Peter 1:22)

Thoroughness vs. Incompleteness
Knowing what factors will diminish the effectiveness of my work or words if neglected (Proverbs 18:15)

Thriftiness vs. Extravagance
Not letting myself or others spend that which is not necessary (Luke 16:11)

Tolerance vs. Prejudice
Acceptance of others as unique expressions of specific character qualities in varying degrees of maturity (Philippians 2:2)

Truthfulness vs. Deception
Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts (Ephesians 4:25)

Virtue vs. Impurity
The moral excellence and purity of spirit that radiate from my life as I obey God’s Word (II Peter 1:3)

Wisdom vs. Natural Inclinations
Seeing and responding to life’s situations from God’s frame of reference (Proverbs 9:10)

Ten Random Thoughts

I am constantly thinking about blogging, only I don't have anything to write about! My day? Eh, boring.  Nothing really happened.  I went and signed up the four oldest girls for swim lessons and we got Burger King! We talked together, cleaned house together and the kids played outside awhile. We ate dinner, had our Family Bible time and then to bed for the youngest 4! That sums it up.
When I don't know what to write about, I like to do this thing, called 10 random thoughts.  I just basically write the first 10 things that pop into my head.  I've done this with handwritten diaries and it's actually really fun to read months and years later. Often it actually brings me right back to that day that I thought those things. 
So here goes:

1) Yes, you can have a snack. (Danielle)
2) She puts a smile on my face.
3) Steven and Katie are playing video games.
4) I do not like video games.
5) That burger king today was not a good idea.
6) I really wish I could lose some weight.
7) Will I be pregnant soon?
8) I hope no one comes upstairs right now and reads over my shoulder, that'd be weird.
9) Steven is a big kid in an adult body (I mean that in a good way) lol
10)Looking forward to watching TV tonight. :)

Well, I guess I am signing off for tonight.  Matthew is scared of monsters in his room, I never know what to do with that.  I've prayed with him, told him everything was ok, there is so such thing, etc... At some point I think he's just trying to stay up, but then I don't really know... he could really be scared.

Babies, Babies, and more Babies

Well, it's about that time again... time to possibly add another little one to the Maestas family!! :o)  This is not something I've shared with many people, and probably won't until I absolutely have to. Not everyone supports the idea of having many children and while I was pregnant with Elise I had comments made, by friends and family, that were a bit hurtful.  Not horrible things, but the like.. "well, maybe you should stop having kids" (because I was tired). Oh the shock.. to be tired while pregnant with 5 little ones to take care of!  If you have 2 or 3 and get tired, it's normal, and accepted and totally understandable, but once you have 5 or 6.. well, I can't say anything "because I did it to myself".  So, I learned to keep my mouth shut around most people. In fact that probably didn't help things very much. I tend to have a bad habit of complaining, but what people don't know, is I am not really complaining.  I say what's on my mind a lot and sometimes it might sound like complaining, but I am just being sarcastic or just trying to be funny.  I've learned to stop doing that too.
Honestly, in a perfect world where children were considered blessings instead of burdens, I'd announce that I am pregnant with #7 (at this point, I am not...) and everyone would be happy for us! People would enourage it, especially when I am feeling unsure about doing it at all, instead of trying to talk me out of it. 

So what got us to this point? Six children and wanting more?
Well..... we had 2 girls and wanted a boy. Then we had a 3rd... and a 4th girl... THEN Matthew was born.  So, after Matthew we thought we could be done.. but it'd be nice if he had a brother.  Elise was the result of that! Oh, how we love her! 
I was SURE I wanted another one but Steven was even more sure that he didn't! I was sad about that, but I prayed the same prayer as before, that God would change one of our hearts. Up until that point, God always changed Steven's heart.  This time though, I thought for sure it was mine that would change. 
Six was enough.
Things got hard.  Steven took a 3rd job that kept him from home all the time and literally kept me stuck in the house.  So much good from it came though.  I realized that stuff had to change. I've read a lot and listened to sermons and talked to a good friend of mine (this is still ongoing) and started to see things fall into place.  We're nowhere close to where we need to be, but so much closer than before!! Through all this I was sure I didn't want more kids, though. :)
Then Steven said something.  What was it again... something like, "well next time we better get a boy."
Next time?
Uh-oh.. a little flicker of hope ignited in my heart....
Then he said something else and a few days another hint. If I'd confront him about it, he'd deny he wanted more. 
Around this time I started studying what the Bible says about having babies and my whole thought process began to change. I'll save that for another post, though.
On April fools day I faked a pregnancy.  Well, I made the test look positive and let him believe it for about 12 hrs. (about midnight - noon, so he was asleep most of that time). I thought, "he doesn't want more, what will it hurt... he'll be relieved when I say 'April Fools'!" Well.... he was very upset with me!! He happened to be very excited about the idea of another son or daughter and was looking forward to it! When he realized it wasn't real he felt like he had lost a part of our family. 
So... it began there, he started really wanting more... and so did I. 
I am still nervous.  I know I want more children, I am just tired.  Steven has never wanted more kids more than I do, so it's weird.  I go back and forth all the time.  I LOVE the kids so much and I have more love to give, so I am excited to share it with a new baby... It'll be interesting to see what the next couple months bring us.  Will God bless us with another little arrow? I really hope so.  Not sure if I can put a request in or not, but another little boy would be nice. :) I'll keep you updated, even if the rest of the world is out of the loop.....

Thoughts about Father's Day

Yesterday was Father's day.  I am pretty sure it wasn't the best one ever for Steven, but I think it was ok. I feel bad, because he helped me clean the house, twice. I planned to do it all myself.  He's faster than I am though and he doesn't get distracted by the kids as much.. or ever, lol. So he just gets it done.  I love that.. but... I wanted him to not have to do it on Father's Day. Still, I don't think he minded too much. 
I tried my hardest to be nice.. not nag, or bother him to help me with the kids.  Not complain when he smoked his cigar (yuck!) or when he took a little nap.  I also didn't bother him to help me get the kids ready for church. What I realized is, I got them ready in time anyway.  In fact, I think I spend MORE time on Sunday mornings trying to get him to help me than it would take just to do it myself! Maybe he should help me with them more on Sunday mornings, but on Father's Day, I didn't say anything.
Know what? It felt good. It felt nice to not feel upset, it was nice to have a peaceful morning, to get to church on time and not feel defeated before I even get there.  It was nice knowing I didn't crush his spirit before we even walked out the door.  All because it was Father's Day.  Then I thought, every day should be like father's day.  It would benefit our whole family if I treated Steven as if it was his special day all the time. I know my husband, he wouldn't take advantage of it. In fact, I know the opposite would happen. He'd be happier, and in turn I know he'd step up and be the man he wants to be! I love him, I don't want to beat him down.
Next Father's Day I want to look back and be proud of how I treated him the year before.  Father's Day everyday, it's not that hard. :)

Finally Starting my own Blog!

I am happy to be starting to keep a blog. So many things happen everyday... the kids say and do the cutest things, I need to keep a record of it! 
Right now Katie is 12, Danielle is 9, Johanna is 6 1/2, Alaina is 4 1/2, Matthew is almost 3!! and Elise just turned 1.  Life is so interesting, haha! Busy. We are about 6 wks into summer vacation, yet no routine is established yet.. that's really frustrating. We've only been home from our trip to ND for about a week so I'll cut myself some slack. For now. 
Tomorrow is Monday, so we'll try again to follow some sort of schedule.  I've been trying to get up with Steven in the mornings so that way I don't stay in bed too long.  If I don't get up with him, then I feel awful and groggy all day from "trying" to sleep while 3 or 4 kids climb on me, talk to me, ask me questions and watch TV in the room. :)
Then if we have anywhere to go, I am going to try and do it as early as possible.  I don't let the kids sleep later than 9.. so if we hurry and get dressed we can maybe be out of the house by 10... and back in time for lunch!  Then lunch and naptime! yay! I never take naps, but if things go as planned, then that will be one of the ONLY times during the day that I check FB or blog, or whatever.  Right now I am on here way too much.  Even if it's 20 mins at a time, if I do it too much things really fall apart fast.  Cleaning the house also has to happen during naptime.  After nap they can go outside or play or do something, I don't know. We'll just have to try it out and see how it goes.
Well, Matthew is throwing a fit because Steven threw away his empty bottle of candy, Elise is fussing in her bed because she wants out, although she only took a 20 minute nap in the car after church (early bedtime for her and Matthew!)... Johanna and Alaina have now put on 3 layers of jammies because they are "cold" (in 90 degree outside weather...), Katie is asking to "make something" out of tights she doesn't wear and Danielle is now looking for tights she can "make something out of" I am sure it will be drama if she can't find any.  Hmmm.... :) So, in other words.. I better end my first blog post.
Yay! I did it. Finally.