I want to try and blog as much as I can this pregnancy.
I haven't told many people yet. Only Steven (of course) and he is really happy.... :)... and Shelby, Amber, Kelli and Becca. I have purposely limited it to those people because for one, they are happy about it... and two, I know they won't tell anyone else, yet.
Katie..... if you are reading this... then this is your way of finding out, haha... Surprise! ((come talk to me)) Actually she doesn't get on here much... but it's okay if she knows.
Just for now, I am not saying anything due to the fact that it's really hard and sometimes burdensome to keep a secret like this and I don't want to do that to Katie just yet....
I was kind of curious if I'd be able to do it... keep a secret... and although it's only been about 2 days, I don't think I am going to have a problem with it. Yes, I am THAT nervous and scared about it. I shouldn't care what people think... especially if they are not family, but I do. I don't want anyone to look down on me or be "disappointed" in such wonderful news. There is nothing better than a new little baby.
I really don't want to hurt people though. I guess I am thinking specifically of my friend Alicia. She is really a good friend to me... but sometimes I feel that she doesn't approve of our family size. Just little things she has said from time to time... I don't feel free to tell her I am worn out because of the kids, I can't really tell anyone that.... so that is why I am waiting. At least if I am exhausted in my 1st trimester, I can just say "I am tired today" with out possibly getting the whole... "well then why did you want so many kids..." blah...
I realized yesterday I don't even want to call my Dr!! haha!! Obviously he doesn't care... I am making him money with all these babies.. but I just feel uncomfortable, like what I am doing is irresponsible or something. I know that it's just the culture and I am brainwashed with it, but it's hard to break away from that bondage.
ANYWAY!!!! On to the confirmation part. I had one pregnancy test strip left... it's been 2 days since I took that frer (after getting two negatives on the test strips) so I figured I'd see if it'd show up. I used FMU and negative!!! Sigh.... I mean, I think I could make out a faint faint line... but if I didn't already know I was pregnant, I'd say "negative". Besides getting faint lines on those things is getting pretty normal for me. So... I had to go and buy another frer pack. I didn't use FMU and that line is dark dark!! Darker than the control line! So obviously, I think, that means my numbers are going up! Because the first test I took (pictured, previously) the line was light... in fact in the picture it's darker than it was when I first took it... that was past the 10 minute window. So... Yay!
I don't think I like those test strips and it just makes me all the more confused about my possible miscarriage. The lines were visible on the test strips (sometimes) and then I took more than one frer and they were all stark white. From my experience this time around, the frer is obviously much more sensitive than the test strips... but last time it seemed they test strips were more sensitive.... (some of them..) So... was it fluke tests? All positives "vanished"... I've read that a vanishing positive is a negative... or did I get a few in there that were extremely sensitive?
I'll never know.. but God does.. in my heart it was another little baby... but it's just so confusing to me.
Due date. If I go by a 28 day cycle, I am due July 9. (I could have a 7/7 baby... for my 7th baby. :)) BUT if I go by when I am pretty sure I ovulated, which was on cd 18, then I am due July 13. Either way, it's not looking like I'll deliver in June, even if I went for induction (because he'll only do it one week early) which I don't want to do. Alaina was induced about 2 weeks early, but there were medical (supposedly) reasons for it.
Signing off now!
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