Went to the Dr yesterday and got my blood test done. It was negative.
I guess I am disappointed... I don't know! I wasn't really ready for another pregnancy yet... pregnancies are hard and right now I am going through a hard time, so in that sense I am relieved I have a couple more months. If it was really truly negative, then no biggie. If there really was a baby then that is really sad. :( I know those things happen though, but the worst part for me is really not knowing. Were those 3 positives real? They were faint and disappeared fast... maybe the test strips I had were more sensitive then the store bought ones.. maybe the detected the very small traces amounts of hcg I had... maybe I only had a small amount because I had a baby that just didn't live very long at all... :( Really, if that is the case, that is ok. I know God is in control and I know that IF that did happen that I have another precious little child that I will get to meet one day.
Or... on the other hand... were those test strips really no good because they were so cheap... did I do them wrong because I didn't totally follow the instructions? (I peed on them directly instead of putting them in a cup..) I mean, all 4 store bought tests were very clearly negative and all the test strip tests I did in between were negative too. I guess that is possible... but then why where the first 18 or so I took ALL negative... why did I get 3 faint positives in a couple day timeframe...?
Well, whatever happened is God's will and one day I will know. If I have another baby, I will meet him or her in Heaven. If not, then I guess I went through all this for nothing.
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