It's September 1st.... I always like the 1st of every month because I feel it's a new beginning. :) Every day we get a fresh start, but on the 1st it just feels like things should change.
Only.... I have ZERO motivation!!! I know that things need to be done, but I have the hardest time getting moving! I feel guilty, too, because Steven works so hard. I should work just as hard at home.
Everyday is the same thing, Steven has been working so much that there is never a change to anything, it's just me and the kids. Not that that is bad, I LOVE the kids, but never seeing him, never getting out of the house, and never doing anything different is really taking a toll on my days! For this reason I look forward to the routine that school is going to bring. I will actually be busy again! Have places to go, running the kids to and from school. Not only that, but with fall I hope I also get some hat orders because then I'll have to knit and with that comes running to Michael's every other day!
I'll miss the kids though... when they go back to school, that is.... this has been the longest summer break ever (almost 4 months) and although there were rough patches w/ behavior and just general boredom, I have enjoyed them.
I want to be able to homeschool, in fact I feel pretty awful that I don't have the deepest desire to. It makes me feel like a crappy mom. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be around my kids, or thinking they are annoying, or even that I can't handle them... it's that we don't get out enough! That's not necessarily bad, but we don't really do anything at home either. Most days consist of getting up.. some kids watch TV, some are on the computer. I am on and off of the computer, randomly eat.. more TV, Wii, or computer time. Then I make everyone clean a little. Eat more, clean up.. laundry. Bible Study and then bed.. Wake up and repeat. When we were doing swimming lessons it was nice, we were forced to get moving and get out of the house... the whole day felt better because of that!
I try take them to the dollar store from time to time.. but not often... or to get slushies... and once every blue moon, we've gone to the park. It's mostly been too hot for that this summer.
Most days, the house continually gets messier and messier until the motivation jump-starts in me.. I've noticed it happens about 4:00... then I can get things done fast... get the kids on board with helping. If Steven's working late, that means the house is much cleaner than if he got home at 5. I'd rather him home at 5, especially since that hasn't happened in 2 weeks, but I do like that I get more stuff done in the evenings if he's not home. I LOVED when he worked swings when he was on guard duty. I could get out, run errands, do whatever in the mornings before he went to work and then I had motivation while he was gone to clean.
He is so tired and deserves better from me. I can see him just worn out... everyday a little more energy and positivity just seems to fizzle out of him... it's sad.. I feel there is nothing I can do. I know that this is not the time to say anything negative at all to him.
In fact I am taking on this challenge on fb, it's called 30 Day Husband Encouragement Challenge.
I didn't even know about it when I wrote my status update today... which is, "
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