I have been feeling a little better since my previous post.. well the one before the independance day one.
I have days like that, a lot. It's mostly because I care so much about Steven and the kids that I feel they deserve so much better than me. In fact even after that post, I continued in my head, tearing myself up and thinking of all the things about myself I don't like. I do that a lot. I know I shouldn't. It doesn't help, at all. It doesn't motivate me.
I just don't like to be told that I am doing a good job compared to.... (a loser, basically). Or the kids are so much better behaved than most American kids.. well, what an accomplishment! (insert sarcasm) Considering most American kids are total brats and out of control. Wow, my kids are better than THAT?
I set the bar high, and I think we should as Christians. I do think I am wrong in beating myself up for not meeting those standards though. There is a fine line between being too hard on myself and letting things slide too much, being lazy, ya know?
I need to focus on where I've succeeded.. like with family Bible studies.. I never thought in a million years that I'd be able to do that - and stick with it! It's something I've tried to do for years and could never stick with it. The fact that I have done it and I am continuing to do it almost every night, for MONTHS now, is extremely encouraging for me. I am very happy with that.
I know it has to do with how happy I am, in general. Most days I have a very discouraged feeling about me, or I just feel "down".. and that affects everything. I don't know how to change that. Well, I do, at least I know where to start. Eat healthier, take vitamins, exercise, drink enough water, get enough sleep... I bet THAT would dramatically change my moods. It's just doing it that is hard! Especially when I feel kind of depressed to start off. It's a cycle that needs to break.
All in all, I am happy with my life. I have THE best kids! :) Steven is pretty good to me, overall. We are all healthy, except for Matthew's allergies and rash.. but even that isn't that bad, we have a home and a lot of food to eat. More food than I have ever had in my home! We have enough money to put the kids in the best school ever so they get christian education and a little left over to get them involved in things like swim lessons or piano.
I know all this, and I AM thankful.. so very thankful. I don't know why I have to feel down when there is no reason for it. I just need to continue working at it, drink more water and try taking some vitamins and think POSITIVE!! That will help.
Today we are taking the kids to a museum in Lincoln. That should be a lot of fun! I'll post pics and blog about it later!
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